Four Words
Sprite or Tango with a butterfly bun please,
Tuesday nights, grapvine, lemon and lime,
Three beautiful stars, south east sky,
There for my gaze when you are not nigh,
Paramount pantomime, you're all dolled up,
Your beauty so bright, can't help but fill up,
Curry nights with laughter, great night out,
Every time we say goodbye, emotionally washed-out,
You smile so innocently, you've really no idea,
Tonight when I go to bed, I'll shed many tears,
I've thought so many times if I should tell you,
But always at that last minute, the fear ensues,
You tell me four words, I'll never forget,
My emotional state, off guard and beset,
My life in that moment has comes to an end,
"Phil, guess what I have a boyfriend",
I knew that one day, without you I'll move on,
And now that day without heartache has finally dawned.
You'll always be special to me.
Explanation
I have had unrequited love twice in my life (once when I was....wait I best not reveal the ages or it'll be obvious - especially as I still know both people!). Sure, in theory if you count 'crushes' as acts of unrequited love then I've had loads.
However, when I refer to unrequited love and what it means to me, I mean something long term - a profoundly emotional experience that has shaped you and one you will not forget. One experience was more profound than the other, and was the one that truly shaped me, but there was another that was significant enough to become the 2nd.
Oh...by the way, I don't have unrequited love at the moment (a crush yes!), so any reader need not be concerned! But if you are Angelina Jolie, then you may wanna be the concerned one over that crush thing....
I very much doubt this will mean much to anyone but me - or what you think it means, it'll probably be something else (usually is with me right!)
Anyhoo....
Sprite or Tango with a butterfly bun please,
The first time I ever laid eyes on her for the first time, was in a cafe. She was with her Mum and her Sister. She either ordered a sprite or tango to drink, along with a little butterfly bun (cake) to eat.
Tuesday nights, grapvine, lemon and lime,
Often on Tuesday nights, we would go line dancing. Yes, I was a 13/14 year old boy going line dancing (grapevine I think is a dance move), that didn't matter. She went. So I had to go because I'd get to speak to her, look at her and admire her. In fact, if I was really lucky, sometimes I would buy her a drink - a lemon and line.
Three beautiful stars, south east sky,
There for my gaze when you are not nigh,
One time when I would not see her for a couple of weeks because she had gone on holiday with her family, I started to really miss her. I remember one night I looked up into the sky and it was a (rare) clear night. Three stars all lined up caught my eye and I thought to myself that it might be clear where she was too and so she could look at these, so we could share that. These three stars would forever remain hers as far as I was concerned.
Paramount pantomime, you're all dolled up,
Your beauty so bright, can't help but fill up,
The name of the town where we lived had a little theatre called the Paramount. Each year, the local theatre group would put on a pantomine (like an amateur performance of a famous story). Aged 14, I saw her at the pantomine and it was the first time I'd seen her all dressed up looking amazing. I was so dumbfounded at this that I felt so emotional (bloody hormones eh!), and managed to get through the evening before going home, up to my room and cried myself to sleep because I wanted her to be my girlfriend so much.
Curry nights with laughter, great night out,
Every time we say goodbye, emotionally washed-out,
Often, my family and hers would go out to a local Indian restaurant for a curry. They were a lot of fun actually! But obviously, the end of the evening would arrive, and we'd have to go our separate ways. As I did on hundreds of occasions, I'd had to hold it all together and once again go home, sad in the knowledge that she would not be my girlfriend.
You smile so innocently, you've really no idea,
She never had a clue how strongly I felt about her. Although years later I did tell her how I had once felt about her, and she said she knew I'd had a crush on her. She just never knew how much....well not until I directed her to this poem to read at a time of her choosing. She text me when she had read it and said it'd nearly made her cry and she was sorry if she'd ever upset me :)
Tonight when I go to bed, I'll shed many tears,
Yes, many a night spend crying. Hormones!
I've thought so many times if I should tell you,
But always at that last minute, the fear ensues,
I actually tried to tell her many times how I felt, but I never did. Even one time, when both our Mums had to work and we had the day of school, I went up to her house with the intention of telling her, but couldn't go through with it. I suppose I knew deep down it wasn't reciprocated and it wouldn't be fair to put her in that position.
You tell me four words, I'll never forget,
My emotional state, off guard and beset,
I think we were out for one of the Indian meals, and I found something out in the middle of a fun evening (well as much fun as you can have when you're madly in love with someone)
My life in that moment has comes to an end,
"Phil, guess what I have a boyfriend",
Not only that, but the boyfriend was my best friend since I had been a child. Don't think badly of him though. I never told him. Man, kicked, when down...!
I knew that one day, without you I'll move on,
And now that day without heartache has finally dawned.
You'll always be special to me.
Thankfully this happened and I did move on. In fact, that moment when she told me she was with my friend made me realise I had to somehow get over her. Took some time, but I did, and although it was so painful during the time, I am so so glad I had those experiences, because I know for a fact that I can love. That's a very comforting things to know each morning.
